iCloud: iNconvenient, iNtrusive, iNvisible spy

When Apple introduced the iCloud, its goal was, “to eliminate the classic file system found in Mac OS X and make synchronization so seamless between devices that it “just works.” However, Apple couldn’t have been farther from the words, “just works.”

Of course there’s those random people that worship iCloud. These people are usually 40 year old dads, Apple employees (obviously) and the entire population of Seattle, WA.

If you don’t have the credentials above, or you’re the “exception” to my very unsupported generalization, then you fall under the rest of the sane Apple customers who rightfully so….hate the tyrannical, invisible overlord we like to refer to as: the iCloud.

You may wonder why I have the authority to use such aggressive adjectives against the iCloud, but I can explain precisely why:

My parents, when the iPod Nano was super “kewl” and consequently rapidly replacing every Walkman across the globe, decided to put all three of their children on the same Apple ID. This, of course, wasn’t a problem over the years when every time I hooked my iPod or phone up to the computer, the only thing to sync or be shared was my music, movies, etc. These personal pictures and songs were also manually imported. Little did I know that in the future my personal items would eventually be secretly snatched away from me and sent to the boisterous iCloud, exposing my life for the world to see.

Recently I got a call from my mom saying she was receiving numerous text messages that were addressed to me.

OK. Take a moment to scroll through your phone and read the texts from your “nights on the town, “those times you actually didn’t  “go to the library,” or the random, sometimes explicit messages your crazy, friend from across the hall inappropriately sent you.

Thankfully none of said events were prevalent on my iPhone, but the fact that my parents were reading everything that was coming in and out of my personal life just felt a little, to say the least, uncomfortable. 

As I know you all are on the edges of your seats, biting your fingernails and maybe shielding your eyes to avoid nightmares tonight, I’ll put you at rest and inform you that I just switched my Apple ID and everything is now fine.

The End.

Thankfully I am not the only one to live to tell my tale. Other iCloud harassed survivors have actually created an “I Hate iCloud” Facebook page. On this “fan” or I guess “enemy” page they share mutual iCloud horror stories and even have surveys with titles like, “Which is the worst inconvenience of iCloud.”

ICloud has become so infamous that its appeared on the big screen.

The movie Sex Tape, a rom-com starring Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel, is all about how their personal sex tape got sent out to all their friends through the, yes, you guessed it, iCloud. Critics appropriately described it as, “how private material can be put in very public hands.” #nailedit.

Even Apple’s own employees and iCloud creators criticize the portal. In the article, “Frustrated with iCloud, Apple’s Developer Community Speaks Up en Masse,” developers describe its Frankenstein’s technological issues. It had file upload problems, corrupted baselines that were causing sync problems and just plain problems with no explanation.

SO, I think its safe to say iCloud has failed us all. It is that kid whose parents invested so much in, taking him or her to every violin recital, soccer game and ice cream parlor, who turned around, dropped out of college and joined the circus.

Maybe iCloud hasn’t failed you….YET. Maybe you’re that parent that still buys monthly circus tickets to watch your little Johnny clean the elephant poop.

But I, the members of the iCloud Facebook hate group and everyone that didn’t fit the iCloud support group I listed above, have been wronged…and that is simply unforgivable.

Go to the I Hate iCloud Facebook page, cozy up by the fire and have someone read the horror stories to you, maybe holding a flashlight under his or her face…..just don’t pee yourself with fright.

All I have to say is: Don’t trust the personal information thief that you can’t even see…..that’s just creepy and I just….iCan’t.

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